Moment in Time

 Hi Everyone,

This week in writing I have been writing a moment in time well using my sense for three things I did this based on camp I had to do this for everyone I did. Do you think I should improve? or add something? should I do more?

Hope you like it =D

Waterslide:

I heard: Screaming people that had their first try, children chattering  to everyone for who to race.

Down the waterslide

I felt: The small little droplets hit my skin as I slid down the water slide . I was happy, joyful and excited.

I saw: People sliding down like a bullet landing in the rocky mud and hurrying back up to do it again.

I Wondered: if you got the right momentum you could go faster over the mud and onto some grass.

Maypole:

I heard: Feet thumping on the matted area,

people talking about what way they are going and how to speed up.

I felt: The burns on my palms and the green mat thing getting hotter and hotter

every time you go round because of the sun and all the people running across it. 

I saw: Feet getting flinged into the air and hair flying in the wind and a blurry image of people standing by.

I Wondered: If there was a little soft thing that when you put your fingers on and swing around it.

It will prevent the burns from happening. 

Sleeping:

I heard: little whispers around the room, \

people tell us to shush because they are trying to sleep and the top bunk

creaking because someone is rolling around on it.

I felt: the soft sleeping bag making me feel warm, t

he confey mattress and the pillow underneath my head.

I saw: the bright night light shining in my eyes,

the opening and closing because people are going toleit.  

I Wondered: if less people were in a bunk room so we could get to sleep easier and get more sleep.